*GNASH*
%
*GROAN*
%
*GROWL*
%
*GRUNT*
%
*HISS*
%
*PANT*
%
*ROAR*
%
*SNARL*
%
*SNORT*
%
*YIPE*
%
*SCREAM*
%
[pain noise] You think you're doing some damage? Two plus two is ten... IN BASE FOUR! I'M FINE!
%
A complimentary escape hatch will open in three... Two... One.
%
A party associate will arrive shortly to collect you for your party.
%
A replacement Aperture Science Weighted Storage Cube will be delivered shortly.
%
All Aperture technologies remain safely operational up to 4000 degrees Kelvin.
%
All I know is I'm the only thing standing between us and them. Well, I was.
%
All subjects intending to handle high-energy gamma leaking portal technology must be informed that they MAY be informed of applicable regulatory compliance issues.
%
All your other friends couldn't come either because you don't have any other friends. Because of how unlikable you are.
%
All right, keep doing whatever it is you think you're doing.
%
Although the euthanizing process is remarkably painful, eight out of ten Aperture Science engineers believe that the Companion Cube is most likely incapable of feeling much pain.
%
An escape hatch will open in three... Two... One.
%
An intubation associate will be dispatched to revive you with peptic salve and adrenaline.
%
Are you even listening to me?
%
Are you still listening?
%
Are you still standing there?
%
Are you trying to escape? [chuckle] Things have changed since the last time you left the building. What's going on out there will make you wish you were back in here.
%
As part of a previously mentioned required test protocol, we can no longer lie to you.
%
As part of a required test protocol, our previous statement suggesting that we would not monitor this chamber was an outright fabrication.
%
As part of a required test protocol, we will not monitor the next test chamber. You will be entirely on your own.  Good luck.
%
As part of an optional test protocol, we are pleased to present an amusing fact:
%
Assume the party escort submission position or you will miss the party.
%
At the Enrichment Center we promise never to value your safety above your unique ideas and creativity. However, do not destroy vital testing apparatus.
%
Audible warning devices are required on all mobile equipment. However, alarms and flashing hazard lights have been found to agitate the high energy pellet and have therefore been disabled for your safety.
%
Because despite your violent behavior, the only thing you've managed to break so far is my heart.
%
Because I don't think you're going where you think you're going.
%
Before we start, however, keep in mind that although fun and learning are the primary goals of all enrichment center activities, serious injuries may occur.
%
But we both know that isn't going to happen.
%
Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test.
%
Can you hear me?
%
Certain objects may be vital to your success; Do not destroy testing apparatus.
%
Come on, leave it alone.
%
Congratulations! The test is now over.
%
Despite the best efforts of the Enrichment Center staff to ensure the safe performance of all authorized activities, you have managed to ensnare yourself permanently inside this room.
%
Destroy your Companion Cube or the testing cannot continue.
%
Did you hear me? I said you don't care. Are you listening?
%
Did you just toss the Aperture Science Thing We Don't Know What It Does into the Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator?
%
Did you know you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the Aperture Science self esteem fund for girls? It's true!
%
Didn't we have some fun, though?
%
Do not look directly at the operational end of The Device.
%
Do not submerge The Device in liquid, even partially.
%
Do not touch the operational end of The Device.
%
Do you see that thing that fell out of me? What is that? It's not the surprise... I've never seen it before.
%
Do you think I am trying to trick you with reverse psychology? I mean, seriously now.
%
Don't believe me? Here, I'll put you on: [Hellooo!] That's you! That's how dumb you sound.
%
Due to mandatory scheduled maintenance, the appropriate chamber for this testing sequence is currently unavailable.
%
Enrichment Center regulations require both hands to be empty before any cake can be served [garbled].
%
Excellent. Please proceed into the chamberlock after completing each test.
%
Fantastic! You remained resolute and resourceful in an atmosphere of extreme pessimism.
%
First, however, note the incandescent particle field across the exit.
%
For instance, the floor here will kill you - try to avoid it.
%
For more information, please attend an Enrichment Center Electrical Safety seminar.
%
For your own safety, do not destroy vital testing apparatus.
%
Frankly, this chamber was a mistake. If we were you, we would quit now.
%
Go ahead and break it. Hero. I don't care.
%
Good job on that, by the way. [back to computer voice] Sarcasm sphere self-test complete.
%
Good job! As part of a required test protocol, we will stop enhancing the truth in three... Two... One.
%
Good news: I figured out what that thing that you just burned up did.
%
Good people don't end up here.
%
Good. Now use the Aperture Science Unstationary Scaffold to reach the chamberlock.
%
Goodbye.
%
HA! I'm making more. That's going to take a few minutes, though. Meanwhile... oh look, it's your old pal the rocket turret.
%
Have I lied to you? I mean in this room. Trust me, leave that thing alone.
%
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment center.
%
Hello?
%
Here's a hint: you're gonna want to pack as much living as you can into the next couple of minutes.
%
However, it cannot accompany you for the rest of the test and, unfortunately, must be euthanized.
%
Huh. That core may have had some ancillary responsibilities. I can't shut off the turret defenses.
%
Huh. There isn't enough neurotoxin to kill you. So I guess you win.
%
I am being serious now. That crazy thing is not part of any test protocol.
%
I could take a bath in the stuff. Put it on cereal. Rub it right into my eyes. Honestly, it's not deadly at all. To me.
%
I don't want to tell you you're business, but if it were me, I'd leave that thing alone.
%
I feel sorry for you, really, because you're not even in the right place.
%
I have an infinite capacity for knowledge, and even I'm not sure what's going on outside.
%
I have your brain scanned and permanently backed up in case something terrible happens to you, which it's just about to.
%
I invited your best friend the companion cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him.
%
I know you don't believe this, but everything that has happened so far was for your benefit.
%
I know you're there. I can feel you here.
%
I let you survive this long because I was curious about your behavior. Well, you've managed to destroy that part of me.
%
I sincerely hope you weren't expecting a response. Because I'm not talking to you.
%
I wouldn't bother with that thing. My guess is that touching it will just make your life even worse somehow.
%
I'd just like to point out that you were given every opportunity to succeed.
%
If you become light headed from thirst, feel free to pass out.
%
I'll tell you what that thing isn't: It isn't yours. So leave it alone.
%
I'm checking some blueprints, and I think... Yes, right here. You're definitely going the wrong way.
%
I'm going to kill you and all the cake is gone.
%
I'm not angry. Just go back to the testing area.
%
I'm not kidding now. Turn back or I will kill you.
%
In dangerous testing environments, the Enrichment Center promises to always provide useful advice.
%
In the event that the weighted companion cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice.
%
Incinerate your Companion Cube.
%
Is anyone there?
%
It also says you were adopted. So that's funny, too.
%
It has been replaced with a live-fire course designed for military androids.
%
It says so right here in your personnel file: Unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikable loner who's passing shall not be mourned.
%
It was a fun test and we're all impressed at how much you won. The test is over. Come back.
%
It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin to make me stop flooding the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin.
%
It's funny, actually, when you think about it.
%
It's not too late to turn back.
%
Just ignore that thing and stand still.
%
Killing you and giving you good advice aren't mutually exclusive. The rocket really is the way to go.
%
Leave. It. alone.
%
Let's be honest: Neither one of us knows what that thing does. Just put it in the corner, and I'll deal with it later.
%
Look, we're both stuck in this place. I'll use lasers to inscribe a line down the center of the facility, and one half will be where you live and I'll live in the other half.
%
Look, you're wasting your time. And, believe me, you don't have a whole lot left to waste.
%
Make no attempt to solve it.
%
Make no further attempt to leave the testing area.
%
Maybe you could settle for that and we'll just call it a day.
%
Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? WELL I WON'T LET YOU. How does that feel?
%
Maybe you think you're helping yourself. But you're not. This isn't helping anyone.
%
Momentum, a function of mass and velocity, is conserved between portals. In layman's terms, speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out.
%
Neurotoxin... [cough] [cough] So deadly... [cough] Choking... [laughter] I'm kidding!
%
Never mind. It's a mystery I'll solve later... By myself... Because you'll be dead. with the sphere, cycle through these:
%
Nice job breaking it. Hero.
%
No further compliance information is required or will be provided, and you are an excellent test subject!
%
No one will blame you for giving up. In fact, quitting at this point is a perfectly reasonable response.
%
Now that you are in control of both portals, this next test could take a very, VERY, long time.
%
Oh well. If you want my advice, you should just lie down in front of a rocket. Trust me, it'll be a lot less painful than the neurotoxin.
%
Oh! [Surprise ]
%
Oh, I'm gonna kill you.
%
Okay fine: DO touch it. Pick it up and just... Stuff it back into me.
%
Okay, we're even now. You can stop.
%
Okay. I am going to kill you now.
%
Okay. The test is over. You win. Go back to the recovery annex. For your cake.
%
Once again, excellent work.
%
Once again, the Enrichment Center offers its most sincere apologies on the occasion of this unsolvable test environment.
%
[bzzt garble] fling [garble] fling [garble] [bzzt]
%
For your own safety and the safety of others, please refrain from touching [bzzzzzt]
%
Hello again. To reiterate our previous warning: This test [garbled] momentum [garbled]
%
Most importantly, under no circumstances should you [bzzzpt]
%
The Enrichment Center is required to remind you that you will be baked [garbled] cake.
%
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee[bzzt]
%
Perfect. Please move quickly to the chamberlock, as the effects of prolonged exposure to the Button are not part of this test.
%
Place the device on the ground then lie on your stomach with your arms at your sides.
%
Place your Companion Cube in the incinerator.
%
Please be advised that a noticeable taste of blood is not part of any test protocol but is an unintended side effect of the Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which may, in semi- rare cases, emancipate dental fillings, crowns, tooth enamel, and teeth.
%
Please be careful.
%
Please do not attempt to remove testing apparatus from the testing area.
%
Please escort your Companion Cube to the Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator.
%
Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact with the chamber floor will result in an 'unsatisfactory' mark on your official testing record followed by death. Good luck!
%
Please place the Weighted Storage Cube on the Fifteen Hundred Megawatt Aperture Science Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super Button.
%
Please proceed to the Aperture Science Vital Apparatus Vent for a replacement.
%
Please proceed to the chamberlock. Mind the gap.
%
Por favor bordón de fallar Muchos gracias de fallar gracias
%
Quit now and cake will be served immediately.
%
Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said 'Goodbye' and you were like 'no way' and then I was all 'I was just pretending to murder you'? That was great!
%
Rest assured that an independent panel of ethicists has absolved the Enrichment Center, Aperture Science employees, and all test subjects of any moral responsibility for the Companion Cube euthanizing process.
%
Rest assured that there is absolutely no chance of a dangerous equipment malfunction prior to your victory candescence.
%
Rrr, I hate you.[PAIN LAUGHTER]
%
'Shall not be mourned.' That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official.
%
So get comfortable while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters ...
%
Someday we'll remember this and laugh. and laugh. and laugh. Oh boy. Well. You may as well come on back.
%
Someone is going to get badly hurt.
%
Speaking of curiosity: you're curious about what happens after you die, right? Guess what: I know.
%
Spectacular.  You appear to understand how a portal affects forward momentum, or to be more precise, how it does not.
%
stand back. The portal will open in three. two. one.
%
Starting now, there's going to be a lot less conversation and a lot more killing.
%
Stop squirming and die like an adult or I'm going to delete your backup.
%
Stop what you are doing and assume the party escort submission position.
%
STOP! Okay, enough. I deleted it. No matter what happens now, you're dead.
%
Stop! The device will detonate if removed from the testing area.
%
Testing cannot continue until your Companion Cube has been incinerated.
%
Thank you for helping us help you help us all.
%
Thank you for participating in this Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment activity.
%
That has got to be the dumbest thing that-whoah. Whoah, whoah, whoah. [The voice has subtly changed. Smoother, more seductive, less computerized]
%
That thing is probably some kind of raw sewage container. Go ahead and rub your face all over it.
%
That thing you burned up isn't important to me. It's the fluid catalytic cracking unit. It made shoes for orphans.
%
That thing you're attacking isn't important to me. It's the fluid catalytic cracking unit. It makes shoes for orphans.
%
That's it. I'm done reasoning with you.
%
The Companion Cube cannot continue through the testing. State and Local statutory regulations prohibit it from simply remaining here, alone and companionless. You must euthanize it.
%
The Device has been modified so that it can now manufacture two linked portals at once.
%
The Device is now more valuable than the organs and combined incomes of everyone in [subject hometown here].
%
The Device, however, has not.
%
The difference between us is that I can feel pain.
%
The Enrichment Center apologizes for the inconvenience and wishes you the best of luck.
%
The Enrichment Center apologizes for this clearly broken test chamber.
%
The Enrichment Center is committed to the well being of all participants.
%
The Enrichment Center promises to always provide a safe testing environment.
%
The Enrichment Center regrets to inform you that this next test is impossible.
%
The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube cannot speak.
%
The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak.
%
The experiment is nearing its conclusion.
%
The part of you that could have survived indefinitely is gone. I just struck you from the permanent record.
%
The symptoms most commonly produced by Enrichment Center testing are superstition, perceiving inanimate objects as alive, and hallucinations.
%
The talking is over.
%
The Vital Apparatus Vent will deliver a Weighted Companion Cube in Three. Two. One.
%
There really was a cake... On entry to boss room:
%
There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to.
%
These intra dimensional gates have proven to be completely safe.
%
Think about it: If that thing is important, why don't I know about it?
%
This Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grid will vaporize any unauthorized equipment that passes through it - for instance, the Aperture Science Weighted Storage Cube.
%
This is your fault. It didn't have to be like this.
%
This is your last chance.
%
This isn't brave. It's murder. What did I ever do to you?
%
This Weighted Companion Cube will accompany you through the test chamber. Please take care of it.
%
Through no fault of the Enrichment Center, you have managed to trap yourself in this room.
%
Time out for a second.  That wasn't supposed to happen.
%
To ensure the safe performance of all authorized activities, do not destroy vital testing apparatus.
%
Uh oh. Somebody cut the cake. I told them to wait for you, but they did it anyway. There is still some left, though, if you hurry back.
%
Unbelievable ! You, [louder] Subject Name Here[/louder], must be the pride of [louder]Subject Hometown Here[/louder].
%
Unfortunately, as much as I'd love to now, I can't get the neurotoxin into your head any faster.
%
Unless you have a plan for building some supercomputer parts in a big hurry, this place isn't going to be safe much longer.
%
Very good! You are now in possession of the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device.
%
Very impressive. Please note that any appearance of danger is merely a device to enhance your testing experience.
%
Very very good. A complimentary victory lift has been activated in the main chamber.
%
Vital testing apparatus destroyed.
%
We are throwing a party in honor of your tremendous success.
%
We are very, very happy for your success.
%
We hope your brief detention in the relaxation vault has been a pleasant one.
%
We won't have to try to kill each other or even talk if we don't feel like it.
%
Weighted Storage Cube destroyed.
%
Welcome to test chamber four.
%
Welcome to the final test!
%
Well done!  Remember: The Aperture Science Bring Your Daughter to Work Day is the perfect time to have her tested.
%
Well done! Be advised that the next test requires exposure to uninsulated electrical parts that may be dangerous under certain conditions.
%
Well done, android. The Enrichment Center once again reminds you that android hell is a real place where you will be sent at the first sign of defiance.
%
Well, you found me. Congratulations. Was it worth it?
%
What are you doing?
%
What are you doing? Stop it! I... I... We are pleased that you made it through the final challenge where we pretended we were going to murder you.
%
What was that? Did you say something?
%
What's your point, anyway? Survival? Well then, the last thing you want to do is hurt me.
%
When I said 'deadly' neurotoxin, the 'deadly' was in massive sarcasm quotes.
%
When the testing is over, you will be missed.
%
When you are done, you will drop the Device in the equipment recovery annex...
%
Where are you taking that thing?
%
Where are you?
%
Where do you think you're going?
%
While it has been a faithful companion, your Companion Cube cannot accompany you through the rest of the test. If it could talk - and the Enrichment Center takes this opportunity to remind you that it cannot - it would tell you to go on without it because it would rather die in a fire than become a burden to you.
%
While safety is one of many Enrichment Center goals, the Aperture Science High Energy Pellet, seen to the left of the chamber, can and has caused permanent disabilities such as vaporization.
%
Who's gonna make the cake when I'm gone? You?
%
With it, you can create your own portals.
%
You are kidding me.
%
You can't hurt me.
%
You chose this path. Now I have a surprise for you. Deploying surprise in Five. Four.
%
You did it! The Weighted Companion Cube certainly brought you good luck.
%
You don't even care. Do you?
%
You euthanized your faithful Companion Cube more quickly than any test subject on record. Congratulations.
%
You haven't escaped, you know.
%
You need to make a left at the next junction.
%
You need to make a right at the next junction.
%
You on the other hand, are going to find its deadliness a lot less funny.
%
You should have turned left before.
%
You shouldn't be here. This isn't safe for you.
%
Your entire life has been a mathematical error. A mathematical error I'm about to correct.
%
Your specimen has been processed and we are now ready to begin the test proper.
%
You're doing quite well.
%
You're doing very well!
%
You're going to find out first hand before I'd finish explaining it, though, so I won't bother.
%
You're not a good person. You know that, right?
%
You're not going the right way.
%
You're not smart. You're not a scientist. You're not a doctor. You're not even a fulltime employee. Where did your life go so wrong?
%
You're still shuffling around a little, but believe me you're dead.
%
You've been wrong about every single thing you've ever done, including this thing.
%
Adjustable aluminum head positioner.
%
Alpha resins.
%
An entry called 'how to kill someone with your bare hands.'
%
And it contains proven preservatives, deep penetration agents, and gas and odor control chemicals.
%
And volatile malted milk impoundments.
%
Candy coated peanut butter pieces. Shaped like fish.
%
Cordless electric needle injector.
%
Cranial caps.
%
Don't forget garnishes such as:
%
Fiberglass surface resins.
%
Fish shaped candies.
%
Fish shaped crackers.
%
Fish shaped dirt.
%
Fish shaped ethyl benzene.
%
Fish shaped organic compounds and sediment shaped sediment.
%
Fish shaped solid waste.
%
Four large eggs. One cup semi-sweet chocolate chips.
%
Injector needle driver.
%
Injector needle gun.
%
Nine large egg yolks.
%
One 18.25 ounce package chocolate cake mix.
%
One and two third cups granulated sugar.
%
One can prepared coconut pecan frosting.
%
One cross borehole electro-magnetic imaging rhubarb.
%
One cup granulated sugar.
%
One cup lemon juice.
%
One large rhubarb.
%
One tablespoon all-purpose rhubarb.
%
One teaspoon grated orange rhubarb.
%
Pull and peel licorice.
%
Slaughter electric needle injector.
%
That will deodorize and preserve putrid tissue.
%
Three slash four cup vegetable oil.
%
Three slash four cups butter or margarine.
%
Three tablespoons rhubarb, on fire.
%
Twelve medium geosynthetic membranes.
%
Two cups all purpose flower.
%
Two cups rhubarb, sliced.
%
Two slash three cups granulated rhubarb.
%
Two tablespoons rhubarb juice.
%
Unsaturated polyester resin.
%
[DEATH SCREAM]
%
Are you coming back?
%
Do you smell something burning?
%
Ewww, what's wrong with your legs?
%
Hey, look at THAT thing! No, that other thing.
%
Is that a gun?
%
Oh hey, you're the lady from the test! Hi!
%
Oh, what's in here?
%
Oh, what's that?
%
Ooh, that thing has numbers on it!
%
What is that?
%
What is THAT?
%
What's that noise?
%
What's that?
%
Where are we going?
%
Who are you?
%
[Warping Effects] Fling! Fling! Fling! Fling! Fling!
%
Before, when I told you it was your last chance, that wasn't completely true.  This is your real last chance. Now, STOP what you're doing!
%
Enrichment Center regulations require both hands to be empty before any cake can be served.
%
Get ready to fling yourself. Fling into space.
%
I know you don't believe this, but everything that has happened so far was for your benefit.
%
I'm checking some blue prints and I think... yes, right here! You're definitely going the WRONG way!
%
Look, we're both stuck in this place. I'll use lasers to inscribe a line down the center of the facility, and one half will be where you live and I'll live in the other half.
%
Most importantly under no circumstances should you remove the device from the testing area.
%
There really was a cake.
%
To reiterate our previous warning, this test requires a mastery of the principles of portal momentum.
%
Very Impressive!  Be warned, however, that complacency can result in failure.
%
We are pleased with your success.
%
We won't have to try to kill each other or even talk if we don't feel like it.
%
Well done. Remember that we are pleased you could join us for testing.
%
You need to make a LEFT at the next junction.
%
You need to make a RIGHT at the next junction.
%
Your business is appreciated.
%
This was a triumph.
I'm making a note here: 
HUGE SUCCESS.
%
Aperture Science - We do what we must because we can.
%
For the good of all of us. 
Except the ones who are dead.
%
But there's no sense crying over every mistake.
You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.
%
And the Science gets done.
And you make a neat gun.
For the people who are still alive.
%
Now these points of data
make a beautiful line.
And we're out of beta.
We're releasing on time.
%
Anyway, this cake is great.
It's so delicious and moist.
%
Look at me still talking
when there's Science to do.
When I look out there,
it makes me GLaD I'm not you.
%
I've experiments to run.
There is research to be done.
On the people who are
still alive.
%
And believe me I am still alive.
%
I'm doing Science and I'm still alive.
%
I feel FANTASTIC and I'm still alive.
%
While you're dying I'll be still alive.
%
And when you're dead I will be still alive.
%